At the April 2007 General Conference, Elder Holland gave a talk that I think is most appropriate. I know some members of the ward I am in sometimes read my blog. I am sure they will appreciate reading something positive and uplifting as the words of a blessed apostle. Especially touching to me are the words I have highlighted in bold lettering. So, here it is:
The Prophet Joseph Smith deepened our understanding of the power of speech when he taught, “It is by words … [that] every being works when he works by faith.
God said, ‘Let there be light: and there was light.’ Joshua spake, and
the great lights which God had created stood still. Elijah commanded,
and the heavens were stayed for the space of three years and six
months, so that it did not rain. … All this was done by faith. … Faith, then, works by words; and with [words] its mightiest works have been, and will be, performed.” Like all gifts “which cometh from above,” words are “sacred, and must be spoken with care, and by constraint of the Spirit.”
It is with this realization of the power and sanctity of words that
I wish to caution us, if caution is needed, regarding how we speak to
each other and how we speak of ourselves.
There is a line from the Apocrypha which puts the seriousness of
this issue better than I can. It reads, “The stroke of the whip maketh
marks in the flesh: but the stroke of the tongue breaketh the bones.”
With that stinging image in mind, I was particularly impressed to read
in the book of James that there was a way I could be “a perfect man.”
Said James: “For in many things we offend all. [But] if any man offend not in word, the same is a perfect man, and able also to bridle the whole body.”
Continuing the imagery of the bridle, he writes: “Behold, we put
bits in the horses’ mouths, that they may obey us; and we turn about
their whole body.
“Behold also … ships, which though they be … great, and are driven
of fierce winds, yet are they turned about with a very small helm.”
Then James makes his point: “The tongue is [also] a little member. …
[But] behold, how great a [forest (Greek)] a little fire [can burn].
“… So is the tongue [a fire] among our members, … it defileth the whole body, … it is set on fire of hell.
“For every kind of beasts, and of birds, and of serpents, and of things in the sea, … hath been tamed of mankind:
“But the tongue can no man tame; it is an unruly evil, full of deadly poison.
“Therewith bless we God, even the Father; and therewith curse we men, which are made after the similitude of God.
“Out of the same mouth proceedeth blessing and cursing. My brethren, these things ought not so to be.”
Well, that is pretty straightforward! Obviously James doesn’t mean our tongues are always iniquitous, nor that everything
we say is “full of deadly poison.” But he clearly means that at least
some things we say can be destructive, even venomous—and that is a
chilling indictment for a Latter-day Saint! The voice that bears
profound testimony, utters fervent prayer, and sings the hymns of Zion can be
the same voice that berates and criticizes, embarrasses and demeans,
inflicts pain and destroys the spirit of oneself and of others in the
process. “Out of the same mouth proceedeth blessing and cursing,” James
grieves. “My brethren [and sisters], these things ought not so to be.”
Is this something we could all work on just a little? Is this an
area in which we could each try to be a little more like a “perfect”
man or woman?
Husbands, you have been entrusted with the most sacred gift God can
give you—a wife, a daughter of God, the mother of your children who has
voluntarily given herself to you for love and joyful companionship.
Think of the kind things you said when you were courting, think of the
blessings you have given with hands placed lovingly upon her head,
think of yourself and of her as the god and goddess you both inherently
are, and then reflect on other moments characterized by cold, caustic,
unbridled words. Given the damage that can be done with our tongues,
little wonder the Savior said, “Not that which goeth into the mouth
defileth a man; but that which cometh out of the mouth, this defileth a
man.”
A husband who would never dream of striking his wife physically can
break, if not her bones, then certainly her heart by the brutality of
thoughtless or unkind speech. Physical abuse is uniformly and
unequivocally condemned in The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day
Saints. If it is possible to be more condemning than that, we speak
even more vigorously against all forms of sexual abuse. Today, I speak
against verbal and emotional abuse of anyone against anyone, but
especially of husbands against wives. Brethren, these things ought not
to be.
In that same spirit we speak to the sisters as well, for the sin of
verbal abuse knows no gender. Wives, what of the unbridled tongue in your mouth, of the power for good or ill in your
words? How is it that such a lovely voice which by divine nature is so
angelic, so close to the veil, so instinctively gentle and inherently
kind could ever in a turn be so shrill, so biting, so acrid and
untamed? A woman’s words can be more piercing than any dagger ever
forged, and they can drive the people they love to retreat beyond a
barrier more distant than anyone in the beginning of that exchange
could ever have imagined. Sisters, there is no place in that
magnificent spirit of yours for acerbic or abrasive expression of any
kind, including gossip or backbiting or catty remarks. Let it never be
said of our home or our ward or our neighborhood that “the tongue is a
fire, a world of iniquity … [burning] among our members.”
May I expand this counsel to make it a full family matter. We must
be so careful in speaking to a child. What we say or don’t say, how we
say it and when is so very, very important in shaping a child’s view of
himself or herself. But it is even more important in shaping that
child’s faith in us and their faith in God. Be constructive in your
comments to a child—always. Never tell them, even in whimsy, that they
are fat or dumb or lazy or homely. You would never do that maliciously,
but they remember and may struggle for years trying to forget—and to
forgive. And try not to compare your children, even if you think you
are skillful at it. You may say most positively that “Susan is pretty
and Sandra is bright,” but all Susan will remember is that she isn’t
bright and Sandra that she isn’t pretty. Praise each child individually
for what that child is, and help him or her escape our culture’s
obsession with comparing, competing, and never feeling we are “enough.”
In all of this, I suppose it goes without saying that negative
speaking so often flows from negative thinking, including negative
thinking about ourselves. We see our own faults, we speak—or at least
think—critically of ourselves, and before long that is how we see
everyone and everything. No sunshine, no roses, no promise of hope or
happiness. Before long we and everybody around us are miserable.
I love what Elder Orson F. Whitney once said: “The spirit of the
gospel is optimistic; it trusts in God and looks on the bright side of
things. The opposite or pessimistic spirit drags men down and away from
God, looks on the dark side, murmurs, complains, and is slow to yield
obedience.” We should honor the Savior’s declaration to “be of good cheer.”
(Indeed, it seems to me we may be more guilty of breaking that
commandment than almost any other!) Speak hopefully. Speak
encouragingly, including about yourself. Try not to complain and moan
incessantly. As someone once said, “Even in the golden age of
civilization someone undoubtedly grumbled that everything looked too
yellow.”
I have often thought that Nephi’s being bound with cords and beaten
by rods must have been more tolerable to him than listening to Laman
and Lemuel’s constant murmuring.
Surely he must have said at least once, “Hit me one more time. I can
still hear you.” Yes, life has its problems, and yes, there are
negative things to face, but please accept one of Elder Holland’s
maxims for living—no misfortune is so bad that whining about it won’t
make it worse.
Paul put it candidly, but very hopefully. He said to all of us: “Let
no corrupt communication proceed out of your mouth, but [only] that
which is good … [and] edifying, that it may minister grace unto the
hearers.
“And grieve not the holy Spirit of God. …
“Let all bitterness, and wrath, and anger, and clamour, and evil speaking, be put away from you. …
“And be ye kind one to another, tenderhearted, forgiving one another, even as God for Christ’s sake hath forgiven you.”
In his deeply moving final testimony, Nephi calls us to “follow the
Son [of God], with full purpose of heart,” promising that “after ye
have … received the baptism of fire and of the Holy Ghost, [ye] can
speak with a new tongue, yea, even with the tongue of angels. … And …
how could ye speak with the tongue of angels save it were by the Holy
Ghost? Angels speak by the power of the Holy Ghost; wherefore, they
speak the words of Christ.” Indeed, Christ was and is “the Word,” according to John the Beloved, full of grace and truth, full of mercy and compassion.
So, brothers and sisters, in this long eternal quest to be more like
our Savior, may we try to be “perfect” men and women in at least this
one way now—by offending not in word, or more positively put, by
speaking with a new tongue, the tongue of angels. Our words, like our
deeds, should be filled with faith and hope and charity, the three
great Christian imperatives so desperately needed in the world today.
With such words, spoken under the influence of the Spirit, tears can be
dried, hearts can be healed, lives can be elevated, hope can return,
confidence can prevail. I pray that my words, even on this challenging
subject, will be encouraging to you, not discouraging, that you can
hear in my voice that I love you, because I do. More importantly,
please know that your Father in Heaven loves you and so does His Only
Begotten Son. When They speak to you—and They will—it will not be in
the wind, nor in the earthquake, nor in the fire, but it will be with a
voice still and small, a voice tender and kind.
It will be with the tongue of angels. May we all rejoice in the thought
that when we say edifying, encouraging things unto the least of these,
our brethren and sisters and little ones, we say it unto God. In the name of Jesus Christ, amen.
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